You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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