Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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