Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
