ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize