Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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