Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
