in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
