the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
