I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
