how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
