I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
