dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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