He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
