i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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