Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
