Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
