I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
