I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
