I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
