your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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