I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
