lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
