not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
