i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
