i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
