just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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