I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
