Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
