I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
