I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
