I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
