those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
40s are totally the cure
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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