Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
