I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Boobs speak an international language.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
