I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize