using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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