I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
