the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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