I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
