she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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