You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
