So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
