I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
