pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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