i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
