did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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