Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
