I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
