and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
