ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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