Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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