Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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