this boner is exhausting
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
