the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
