I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
