I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My vagina just recognized that song.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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