even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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