cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
