I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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