sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
