smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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