Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
