Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
