I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
