Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
