Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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