I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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