He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
