I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
