Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
