Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's the barista slut.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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