so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How does one acquire holy water?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
