The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
