pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
