Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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