We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
