my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
