i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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