Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I look better un-naked...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
