This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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