Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The maid of honor just puked.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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