I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
