Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
