Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
