So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
