I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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