what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
