Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
