You're so nebulous sometimes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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