You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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