So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
