After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
