It's just like the Real World with babies
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
