I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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