pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
