? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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