Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
