Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
