Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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