They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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