Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
