I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
