fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
