Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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